Live who you are

There are some moments/situations/phases/incidents (call it what you may) in life which are significant. While living in them I can feel their significance... that are life altering... that will change me as a person. I am living in one such moment right now. It is not about winning or losing... after all does anyone ever win? I mean... in life... there is some loss in every win. It is about the journey or specifically, the fight. I know once this blows over or is resolved... I will be stronger, less trusting, less naive and lose some of the leftover innocence. It is strange but through any such fight... what goes first is innocence and then trust.

I did try to keep my mouth shut and be diplomatic like it is expected in corporate life... but not for long. That is just not me... I need to speak up.... no matter the consequences. KC was soooo bugged with my diplomacy and I am glad to have a partner in life who will never let me forget who I am. And I am grateful to have friends like RT who will always give a listening ear... who will give honest, experienced and wise advice.

Should my job change who I am or what I believe in?

Last month my sub-ordinate was advising me how I should commit things to trade partners to keep them happy.

I told; "I will commit only what I can do. I do not believe in breaking commitments. Just because we do sales does not mean we cannot stick to our principles and achievement should not be at any cost. There is a right way to achieve the right targets". I don't know if these words had any impression on him... but I hope I can lead with example.

I probably sound like an anomaly. I guess, I began my career in a very ethical and clean sales company and that has shaped my views for life. Not everyone gets that opportunity.

Thought for the day: Don't let your organization or profile or seniors define your values and principles.

I hate dirty fans

The first time a dirty fan bothered me was in the government hostel during my engg. I had never come across one before that. Every morning when I woke up and every night when I went to asleep the first and last views would be of the dirty fan. I would even see it in my dreams. Finally, I decided to do something about it. I cleaned it. This continued even in B school hostel.

I cannot sleep under a dirty fan, atleast not for more than a month.

The agenda for this month was cleaning the bedroom fan but somehow I was too busy. Last weekend KC was supposed to help me out with it. My height is a hindrance to cleaning. Anyway, today I was determined. The cobwebs on ceiling and the dirty fan would have to go. I asked my maid to come late. She comes at 7 am even on Sundays and cleans while I sleep. The session began at 9 am and continued till 12 noon. I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. Whew!!! After lunch it was gym time and then some shopping.

I wonder how women do it... keep their homes spic and span. I can manage it on Sundays only when KC is not around. Once he shifts here the cleaning will go out of the window. I sincerely hope he can join me on the cleaning mission but that is a lost mission already.

Friendship

I look at the friends closest to me and realize that most of them are from recent past. I wonder why.

Is it 'coz I have more in common with them now???

Is it 'coz of the circumstances? After all, distance does make it difficult to keep in touch.

Is it 'coz of the inclination and effort put into keeping in touch?

There are some things that are important... regular phone calls, sharing, caring, remembering important days like birthdays etc.

Earlier I was a 2 am friend.... friends could call me anytime (unless I was in class) and I would be available. That has become next to impossible now... I cannot give time to personal calls during work hours, nights are for sleep... that leaves a window in evening after work and before bed.

Facebook, blogs, mails, chat are great for catching up... but they cannot replace the personal touch.

I tried chatting with an old friend today... there was a time when we were close and now I could not find any topic to chat on. It was so weird I felt sad.

And then there are some people I can strike up friendship with anytime... last month I met a friend I lost in touch with 4 yrs back. We clicked immediately.

There are other friends who only call when they need something and it pisses me off.

There are friends who I am not in touch with (except through fb) and yet they are in my thoughts and memories.

Friendships can be more complex than a relationship especially 'coz they come in so many forms.

I was watching Sex and the city Season 4. I love and hate this season the most... love it 'coz Carrie gets back with Aiden... hate it 'coz they break up. There are some similarities in Carrie's and my life. But then there must be many women thinking the same. So I guess my life is no different from many others... which is comforting.

I am watching 'A Christmas Carol'. Thankfully, it has been adapted well without many deviations. I do not like classics being tampered with. I love reading books like Little Women, A Christmas Carol, David Copperfield etc. And I absolutely love Shakespeare. I was fortunate to read atleast one original play- Merchant of Venice. It broke my heart when I watched 'Romeo and Juliet' starring Leonardo. Instead of the balcony scene between R and J they were smooching in the swimming pool. Romance was replaced by lust. Lust is not bad but we see enough of it... it is romance that is rare... in movies and in real life.

Adieu with that thought.

3 years of work experience

I have completed 3 years this month and here are pearls of wisdom:

• Don't trust anyone... not friends or foes or even family working in the same company
• Don't believe anything unless it is given in writing
• Even if something is written... read between the lines
• The organization does not give a damn about the employees
• Employees only care about furthering their own career
• There is nothing like "company loyalty". Loyalty has to be bought with money and good profile
• The average burn out time for an employee is between 3-5 years
• There is an agenda behind every gesture... good or bad. Be aware about the big picture
• Put everything on e-mail... and I mean EVERYTHING.

I am not sure what I like about corporate life... I have realized all that I don't like.

I hope in the next 2-3 years I get to know what I like.

Back to back movie session

Last night was a back to back movie session.

It started with Parzania which has been critically acclaimed.

Thanks to my net I was able to watch it. The Gujarat riots sicken m

e and another movie which shows the violence was revolting. Parzania is the true story of a Parsi family who lost their son in the riots. They have not been able to find him even now... not even his dead body. They live in the hope that someday he will find his way home. Sarika and Naseeruddin as the Parsi parents are superb.

I cannot believe the master mind behind the riots- Modi is still in power. The Gujjus (those who reside in Gujarat and not necessarily Gujaratis) have to be sick, blood thirsty, Muslim hating people to keep him in power.

I found Firaaq more bearable because it covered the aftermath of the riots...

Parzania is worth a watch... specially for Gujjus.

The next movie was 'The Japanese Wife'. I missed it in the theatre and am feeling bad about that.

Based on a short story by Kunal Basu and directed by Aparna Sen it stars Rahul Bose, Raima Sen, Moushmi Chatterjee and a japanese actress. The movie is a mix of Bengali and English. Unfortunately there were no sub titles and I could not make out the Bengali dialogues.

The movie is about a middle aged man- Snehamoy Chatterjee (Rahul) who becomes pen friends with a japanese 18 year old female. Rahul stays in a village in Bengal and the pen friend is in Japan. They fall in love and marry- all through letters. Both are too poor to even call each other. In the meantime Raima- Moushmi's friend's daughter, a widow with a son, comes to live with Rahul and Moushmi (Rahul's masi). No- Raima and Rahul do not fall for each other.

I won't let out the end. It is a fabulous movie. Rahul's Bengali accent is perfect. He is such an amazing actor. Any movie with Rahul is worth a watch and he is HOT.

Earlier, art movies had a lot of takers- Shabana, Nasseeruddin, Om Puri, Smita Patil etc etc.

These days there are very few- Abhay Deol, Rahul Bose, Konkana, Raima Sen, Sandhya Mridul, Boman Irani- thats about it. And yet all of them are a pleasure to watch.

It was an extremely successful and enjoyable movie marathon.

Shutter Island

Dhruv and I watched this one on my b'day after reading the positive reviews. Till the interval we were wondering what the hell is going on. It was kind of confusing. Thankfully, at the end we know... and that makes it worth it. I should have guessed the movie would be like this... after all it has been directed by Martin Scorsese.

Worth one watch.

Rain... rain... go away

Day 1 of rains in Mumbai and its a fiasco. I took a rick to office today since the car is punctured. In hindsight it was a good decision. At 5 pm it started raining. I left office at 6.15 pm and tried to flag an auto. Nobody stopped. Finally one of the colleagues sent his car and driver to drop 4 of us to Kanjurmarg. We planned to take an auto from there. It was raining heavily with knee deep water near Powai lake. We managed to find an auto which accommodated all 4.

As luck would have it it stopped at Bhandup and wouldn't start. We got out in the rains (with our laptops) and tried to flag another auto unsuccessfully. Thankfully the earlier auto started and rescued us. Near Asian Paints- 5 mins from my house, there was a big jam. We got out again in the rains and walked all the way. The other 3 took another auto to Thane check naka at the signal while I walked home. The area between the mall and home was flooded and I had to wade through really dirty water.

The cook could not come so I had to order in... and there was no water to even wash clothes.

Sigh....

The monsoons are going to be a trying time.

Its better when it rains at night... instead of during the day. Atleast then I will be able to stay home incase of water logging.

My earliest memories of rains are of Mt Abu. It would get dark, cold and gloomy. Rains were torture... sticky everywhere... the umbrellas, raincoats and rain shoes had to be with us at all times... days had to be spent indoors with nothing to do... clothes wouldn't dry and when put near the dryer (with coals) the lace/ends of undies would burn a little and become hard... very uncomfortable.... snails, earthworms, hari buchis (caterpillars with spines) everywhere.

A'bad rains are good... it is sunny and raining... rain dates were fun... and driving in the rain was so much better...